Cash for Job Scams: A politically perfect plan!

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Aahul Aandhi, the Ongress Party’s poster boy, was sitting in his office, deep in thought. Onia Aandhi (mother of Aahul Aandhi), Arun Ogoi (ex-chief minister of Assam) and Anmohan Ingh (India’s first silent ex-prime minister of Ongress) were in the room too, getting agitated by Aahul Aandhi’s unusual silence.

“You have been acting like Anmohan,” Arun Ogoi dared to break the silence.

Aahul said nothing but continued to ponder gravely, looking as somber as if a third-world-war had broken over.

All of a sudden, Aahul leapt off his chair and let out a loud cry of absolute delight: “I have found it! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh yes!”

“What? Tell us, pappu!” Onia Aandhu urged, eyeing her son with motherly adoration.

“Yeah…do tell us!” Arun Ogoi leaned closer excitedly, looking as though his CM days would soon be back.

Anmohan Ingh, to nobody’s surprise, remained ‘oh-so-silent’.

“I’ve found a never-thought-before answer to put the Ongress party back to power!” Aahul gushed, unable to contain the excitement.

“Tell us, tell us!” Onia beseeched, her haggard, Italian face registering a ray of hope for the first time after many years.

“Oh please tell me it is something different than your schemes of ‘woman empowerment’ and save farmer policies’!” Ogoi begged.

“Yes, yes, didn’t I say just now? It’s a never-though-before scheme!” Aahul explained, “The recent events taking place in Assam these days flashed a politically perfect idea in my mind! I am talking about none other than the Cash-for-Job scams!”

“Cash for Job scams?!?” Onia and Ogoi looked utterly nonplussed. Even Anmohan looked slightly surprised and gave a grunt.

“Yes!” Aahul went on, “first tell me, what Cash-for-Job scams is all about?”

“Of course, prospective candidates/job seekers pay cash to the corrupt senior-officials to secure a job.” Ogoi blurted angrily, “but how the hell could this help us get back to power?”

“Oh, I don’t know…” Onia said firmly with a hint of sarcasm, resisting her urge to scold her son, “but this will definitely help us get into jail!”

“Aahul – ” Anmohan opened his mouth for the first time but Onia quickly ordered, “Anmohan! Be Silent! Speak only when I tell!” Anmohan nodded and became mum.

“Oh…you all are so unimaginative!” Aahul said impatiently, “Let me explain. My new scheme will be termed as “Aahul Aandhi Job-for-Cash Scheme!”

“Job for Cash?” Onia was curious. Ogoi shrugged

“Yes! ‘Job for Cash’. The exact opposite of ‘Cash-for-Job’!” Aahul went on animatedly, “Here the prospective candidates will not have to pay any cash to the senior officials. Instead the Government will be instructed to pay cash to those employees who are already in their jobs!”

For a complete minute, Onia Aandhi and Arun Ogoi, sat rooted in their place, absorbing what this brilliant Ongress’s Poster boy had just spoken. Anmohan Ingh slowly closed his eyes and dozed off.

“And, why, my dear Aahul, would the senior officials pay cash to the employees?” Ogoi asked.

Aahul, thinking that his announcement indeed had a startlingly positive impact in the room, resumed: “See, let’s face it, there are countless, old, lazy people in Government offices who don’t love their jobs! We all know it. So to give them a needed push, the government will pay them enough cash. And ask them to resign!”

Onia and Ogoi exchanged dark looks.

“And guess what? They will happily resign because they are getting cash for it! Cash is indeed a powerful force! After they resign, their vacant positions will be taken over by unemployed youth of the country! The mass unemployment problem, believe me, will be wiped off absolutely! It will be a big blow to Hartiya Janta Party and Arendra Odi! And our portal to full power!” Aahul finished with a flourish and bow, and looked at the others, expecting to get patted on his back for such a politically perfect scheme.

“And how on earth, may I ask, will the government generate such massive cash to pay the old, lazy employees?” Ogoi asked, his face looking menacingly redder than ever.

“Oh…that’s not a problem,” Aahul waved his hands in the air as if it wasn’t a problem at all, “Government, to speak the stark truth, has never been short of cash. After all, the Ongress in its regime of 60 years did everything to amass uncountable wealth in its kitty!”

Arun Ogoi, unable to take it anymore, fainted.

Onia Aandhi passed out too.

Anmohan Ingh began to snore.

And Ongress  party’s favourite poster boy,  Aahul Aandhi, overwhelmed by his own brilliancy, dashed out of his office to announce his golden plans in the twitter!

 

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